So I've officially decided to start looking for another job.
I told myself I'd stick it out, that it wasn't worth hopping to another job out of frustration since whenever my husband finds his dream job we'll have a better idea of where we're going to settle down and I don't want to have to skip out on two employers in a one-year period, but JESUS. After today I don't even care anymore.
Long story short: I was having a fine day until my boss, L, decided to confront me in the most childish, passive aggressive way about something that wasn't even that big of a deal. Seriously. Everything is so informal there (to the point of being annoying) that the one time L fails to inform me that something IS actually going to be more formal than 99% of everything else we do, I get chastised. Well, sitting at my desk at 5pm, packing up the last of my things in my purse and listening to L act like an overgrown child, I was about ready to tell him (excuse my French but it's greatly necessary) to go fuck himself.
But I didn't. Instead I suppressed it like a good little worker bee. On my short walk to the metro I told myself to not let it ruin my day. Then I boarded the metro car with my husband, who apparently had a good day because of some legal-briefing-whatever he had worked on. Being the gray cloud I was I told him that's great, and that maybe someday he'd actually get paid to do that stuff instead of talking about it for free. Ouch. Soo, he was silent looking at job listings on his smartphone the whole ride home, while my anger turned more to sadness, and yes, I was that girl sitting near the window, crying the whole way home with big dark sunglasses on. I need to get a freaking grip.
So to salvage what sanity I have left, I'm going to bite the bullet and see what I can find on the job boards. Hilariously enough, retail is not out of the question (says the girls with two degrees that swore she'd never work retail again after college). At first I didn't want to look for just any job since I didn't want to deal with my parents' (and everyone else's) judgment about my choices, but anything is better than now and I need to work on making MYSELF happy. Not anyone else. As long as I can make enough to cover our rent/car payments/credit card bills/food/utilities, then I will be happy. I love clothes and shoes just as much as the next girl but I can do without new things all the time if it means never having to go back to that awful joke of a workplace again.
C,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you. One, for being an adult and not going off the bastard of a boss. Secondly, for realizing that happiness is way more important that everything else. Nothing is worth damaging your relationship with your husband and heaven forbid causing your mascara to run.
It will all work out!!!!
Even though thousands of miles separate us, our luck with the jobfront couldn't sound any more alike. I have been at this god forsaken place around 350 business days. And excuse my french, but fuck my life. I swear to God I cannot find a job that doesn't make me feel like a 5 year old on any given day, that my coworkers will stop acting like passive aggressive aholes and that maybe, JUST maybe, I could actually enjoy what I'm doing.
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is offer some advice, don't quit before you find something else. I've been this [...] close to quitting and just going on unemployment again (since I was laid off in '09), but I don't want to forgo a biweekly regular paycheck for a measly pittance from the government.
Keep your head up! I often feel like I'm "that" girl sitting on the train ride home with my oversized Marc Jacobs sunglasses on crying too.
Augh I'm sorry, sugar. Job searching is such a pain in the ass, but it definitely cannot hurt to start looking! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteYou'll find something. I have been in a couple of jobs that have made me miserable. Sick to my stomach, crying on Bart, lashing out at my (ex) boyfriend and becoming a serious drama queen...I used to cry to my parents that living on the street would be better than going into that hell of a work environment - it was awful. So, I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteBut, you will absolutely find something, I guarantee it.